bahh

PU di Jakarta emang paling pinter dahh. Gak da yang ngalahin kepinteran mereka. Bikin pekerjaan saluran air pas musim hujan padahal selama 6 bulan musim kemarau gak ngapa-ngapain. Udahlah kalo hujan jalan pasti macet ditambah ada pekerjaan ya makin macetlahh.. How clever is that?? GOB***!!! (berusaha mengucapkannya ala ucapan goblok Pak Djon yang sangat menusuk, nancep, dan nyangkut pas mau dicabut)

 

I am faint-hearted

Never thought that I’m one but yesterday’s experience showed me that I’m not as strong as I thought I am. I was on my home, on the usual bus. You know how buses in Jakarta are like; stuffy, cramped, with the usual performers and hawkers getting on and off (you have them all the time you don’t usually pay attention to them). Yesterday’s performer was not the standard type however, very out of the ordinary that you WOULD at some point notice him. He was some kinda a street magician, a debus performer to be exact. You heard me right, debus, the mystical art of Banten. He did stunts like chewing on shards of glasses and then threw them out, and for the main attraction he -get this- slit his arm with a shard of glass (gasp). Needless to say, all the while he was making all those slits I was looking the other way.  I mean, I was already rattled enough when I saw a paper he pulled out of his pocket was blotted with blood here and there. There’s just no way that I’m watching him cutting himself.

I really don’t understand the logic of him thinking that we’d give him some money for his stunts since I don’t think you can’t call that entertainment. Instead of entertaining us it freaked us (well, most of the female passengers) out.. No way in hell I’m paying for something that freaked me out. Ergo through this episode I found out that I am faint-hearted when it comes to real-life blood.

Thinking back, he should stop those stunts. I mean, what if he has hepatitis or something? He might pass it to a passenger who got into contact with the blood.

 

nanimonanimonanimo nai

I was gonna rant on the outrageously bad “Halloween II” but on second thought I don’t think it even deserves my rants. ^^ I’ll just say this, spare yourself (and your wallet). DON’T watch it. Unless you want to know what a BADDDD movie is like. If it weren’t for the association with the Halloween series, it would have been a straight-to-video one. Seriously, it’s THAT bad. Now, even though I said it didn’t deserve my rants I did rant a bit on the movie so I guess I’ll continue this post to rant on my sworn enemy.

I used to hate people who smoke in public places so much I never thought I’d see the day something replaces them in my heart (halahh..). Turns out living in Jakarta has introduced me to the lowly species that is motorbike riders. I HATE them. I REALLY HATE them. I HATE them with all my heart. And if you’re a pedestrian in Jakarta then I’m sure that you will agree to at least some of what I’m saying.

Motorbike riders in Jakarta showed me that THEY, and not smokers, are the most selfish creature in this whole world, my world at least. I’m sure every pedestrian has had a rider honking him from behind when walking on the walkway. I’m sorry, I thought walkways are meant for pedestrians. Are you walking? No, you’re not. SO WHAT’S WITH THE HONKING??!!!!

Riders also NEVER stop even if they’re going to run into something. They don’t stop even if it seems they’re gonna collide with a car so there’s just NO way in hell that they’d stop for a pedestrian. As I mentioned before , I’ve had riders barely avoiding me at the intersection DURING THE RED LIGHT just because they won’t hit the brake. I’ve even had a rider actually running me over EVEN THOUGH I WAS CROSSING AT THE ZEBRA CROSS!!! Fortunately I survived the accident (dengan memar di sana-sini bak korban penganiayaan) with my head and all four limbs intact. Masih inget aku, motor kawasaki ninja (sedikit curhat ^^).

Yang bikin lebih sebel lagi, motor kalo nyelip-nyelip suka-sukanya aja. Tapi kalo dia kesenggol marah. Eh monyong!! Macam jalan neneknya aja dibikinnya.. Jujur, kalo ngeliat kecelakaan (yang 90% korbannya motor tentu saja) aku udah gak ada kasian sama sekali ngeliat pengendara motor yang jadi korban. Bukan apa-apa, kemungkinan besar he brought it upon himself.

I know, I know, not all riders are like that. But due the VERY HIGH frequency of my meeting an ass**** rider, I’ve adopted the principle “guilty until proven otherwise” ato kalo dalam bahasa Indonesia, “praduga bersalah”. Kalo elok laku dia, barulah aku menganggap “Oh, ini orang. Bukan pengendara motor.” kehkehkehh

No offense to riders reading this. Sukur-sukur pengendara motor yang baca ini agak bertobat dikit. Kalo ada orang lagi nyebrang dikasi lewat. Gak suka ngebut dengan motornya yang saking ributnya kayaknya kalo diukur mencapai desibel 100. Ato kalopun kelakuannya gak berubah setidaknya abis nabrak orang ada lah kepikiran dikit..

 

Notes on Jakarta

This is an old one, written when I just moved to Jakarta.

The first thing that I notice of Jakartans is that they don’t have the concept of personal space. They love sticking to people even if it’s not crowded. There have been several instances where I was on an angkot and there was only one other passenger. Of all the places in the empty angkot the passenger chose to sit right next to me, so close that we’re rubbing on each other. And when she fumbled in her bag, looking for the angkot fare, her elbow would invade my personal space. That’s just plain weird (and very uncomfortable). Trying to be husnuz dzhan-ing, maybe they’re so used to being squashed in a crowd that they feel insecure in an empty place.

The second one is people here love to spit. They spit everywhere. At the side of the road, in the market, in the bus and even in an angkot (yes, angkot). Very disgusting. I lived in Bandung for almost 5 years and I rarely (if ever) saw spittle at the side of the road. One time, there was even an old man who spit so zealously that along with the spit he also threw out some phlegm. And this happened on a bus, can you believe it?? Gross.. What if he had some contagious disease? Others on the bus could have been infected.

 

may you all perish in h***!!

hmmmpphh beberapa hari kembali ke Indonesia, the one thing that made me fully realize that I’m back in Indonesia is all the swearwords that instantly jump out from my mouth every time I walk. Pedestrians are of the lowest caste. They have no right whatsoever. They have to look out for buses, cars, bikes, and (my sworn lifelong enemy) motorcycles even when walking on the walkway. EVEN WHEN CROSSING AT THE PEDESTRIAN CROSSING!!!! Well scr** you all!!

Several nights ago, when I got off from an angkot, (lagi-lagi) a motorcycle nearly ran into me. I admit that because I didn’t look carefully behind me it’s partly my fault but what set my fuse was the mulut comel yang naik motor. “Hati-hati dong mbak”.. (And the intonation was exactly the same with the one usually used by pria-pria kampungan to pick up girls..) GAAAAHHH!!!! Minta mulutnya ditampol pake swallow tuh orang.. But I digress, this post is a rant on the ill-manners of motorcycle riders in Indonesia, particularly in Jakarta (I’ll rant about those kampungan men later). My point is, itu si pengendara motor dared to tell me to be careful?? As if HE is. May I remind you dear sir, that 80% of all traffic accidents involve motorcycles??!! And that is because 99.99999% of the time motorcycles DO NOT follow traffic rules. During the short time span I live in Jakarta, I’ve had motorcycles almost running into me so many times. And I follow the rules, mind you. I cross the street either at the crossing or on the bridge and I only do so when the light is green for the pedestrian.  And still I have to evade motorcycles. I’m thinking of carrying some pebbles with me to throw the motorcycles running through the red light with. (Or perhaps rocks would be a better idea?? )

 

Polisi gilak..!!

Pertama-tama aku merepet dulu: DAMN COPS!! Yang gilaknya kurasa kelen..

Naah sekarang baru aku cerita. Tadi pagi aku pergi ke kantor seperti biasa kan, jalan ke Salemba. Naah sampe di simpang salemba aku agak heran, “Kok gak ada angkot yang ngetem ya??”. Tapi ya udah gak kupikir lebih lanjut. Soalnya toh aku yang untung karena berarti aku gak perlu jalan agak jauh kalo mo nyetop angkot (biasanya aku agak jalan lagi dari simpang biar bisa nyetop angkot yang lewat. Malas naik yang ngetem ). Nah lewatlah sebiji angkot dan kustoplah ya. Ehh dia gak berenti, malah nunjuk-nunjuk. Mulanya kukira lagi ada yang ngetem di depan-an dia tapi pas kuliat ternyata.. Oalaahh ada polisi. Ntah kesambit apa tu para polisi pagi-pagi bediri-diri di Salemba. Heran la aku. Tahapa pulak gunanya orangtu bediri-diri di sana.

Ya udah la ya, jalan la aku ke halte. Namanya aja halte, tempat nunggu. Ya wajar kan kalo angkutan berenti di halte. Ehh ternyataa masak yaa. Waktu ada bis yang berenti untuk ngangkut penumpang si polisi marah-marah. “Yah, yang gilaknya si polisi ini. Kalo gak di halte mo di mana lagi orang nyetop angkutan??” kupikir. “Bah, kalo kek gini gak pigi-pigi la aku. Gak ada angkot yang berani berenti.” Jadi jalan lagi lah aku sampe ke bawah jembatan dan udah melewati mobil si polisi bedua tu. Dari sana baru la angkot berani berenti. Baru la aku dapat angkot dan off i went to the office..

Kalo dipikir-pikir kan gak masuk akal kali polisi bedua tu. Apa la guna orang tu berdiri-diri di sana?? Salemba yang rush hour kalo pagi kan yang sisi FK UI. Ngapain la orang tu justru berdiri di sisi seberangnya?? Bus berenti di halte dimarahinnya. Tapi angkot-angkot yang berenti sembarangan, asal dah lewat dia, gak papa. Gilak kurasa..